The Maretts: Beware of the Me Monster!

12/4/09

Beware of the Me Monster!

Me and my friend Keri were talking yesterday about people that dominate conversations. Brian Regan does an hilarious sketch that pretty much sums it up. I am sure we have all had the opportunity to talk with "me monsters" on occasion and have probably all even been a "me monster" from time to time. Enjoy!

2 comments:

Sarah said...: I needed a good laugh - thanks! I think I'm a "me monster" :(; December 5, 2009 at 6:23 PM
Morley Fam said...: I love Brian reegan! Such a funny bit!; December 6, 2009 at 6:43 PM

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Kids say the darndest things...

As Millie ate a boiled egg: "Oh look! I found the yellow ball that you can eat!"

Millie: What's under a house?
Me: I don't know
Millie: Earth! You silly goose!

Olivia: "Oh I really miss myself when I was little." (As she looked at baby pictures of herself, because she was wearing a pink coat)

Millie had a nightmare, it went like this: "A green man with green eyes, green nose, and green lips. And he touched me on the heart and I didn't want him to touch me. I turned green like him and then you won't see your baby anymore. Because I'm your baby. It was scary. I was mad about him touching my heart. I'm mad about that."

Andrew: I'm so lucky to have you as a mom. I like that saying, "families are forever," because it's true.

I was sick one day and Olivia came to me and said, "How do you feel? Perhaps I could do something for you... like draw you a picture?"

Ben was telling Andrew that he needs to eat his lunch quicker and that he guessed that during lunch time Andrew was too busy talking with friends. Andrew responded... "This is what I think of that observation..." and then went on to explain his situation at school.

I told Liv that ladybugs eat aphids. Later that day, she told Andrew, "We can have a lady bug because I know that they eat orphans!"

Millie was having a rough night and I laid down with her while she cried. As she wiped her tears, she said, "I have crying in my eyes. This eye."

Millie told Olivia: "I like princesses, they are lovely."

Conversation between Andrew and Olivia January 2014:
Andrew: It's foolish to be selfish.
Olivia: What does selfish mean?
Andrew: It means to want something all to yourself.
Olivia: ((pause)) I think I'm selfish.
Andrew: Why?
Olivia: Because I don't want anyone to have my blue dinosaur.
Andrew: That's not good
Olivia: Okay I don't ever want to be selfish. Ever ever ever.

Ben drew Liv a picture of her name with hearts on the "i"s. He said, "Why did I put hearts on the I's," and she said, "Because you love me."

I asked Millie if she liked her cookie and her response was... "yeah my tongue liked it."

Millie's nursery teacher told me that she was building a tower and when another kid knocked it over, Millie started crying and said, "He broke my temple!"

Andrew and I were debating who liked the color red the longest. Andrew said, "It's been my favorite color for 3 years!" I said, "Well it's been my favorite color for 10 years." Then Liv piped in, "It's been my favorite color for 26 days!"

Me and Liv walked to the bathroom at the beach together holding hands and she turned to me and said, "This is like a potty mom and daughter date!"

As I walked away, Ben said, "Where ya goin, lady?" Millie shouted, "My mom is not a lady!"

Andrew: "Mom, maybe we should sell our baby."
Me: "Uhhh why?"
Andrew: "Because she eats so much."

Andrew: "I'll miss you when I marry Kenzie, mom."

Andrew started coughing in the car and Liv shouted, "No, Andrew! I'm sick! Not you!"

While playing doctor, Andrew ran around the house saying, "Doctor of Covenants! Doctor of Covenants! Help! Help!"

Andrew was telling us about his future plans and they included, "I'm going to get me a woman."

Liv's version of We Wish You a Merry Christmas... "We wish you could marry Christmas, we wish you could marry Christmas!"

On my birthday I told Andrew, "I want you to stop fighting with Olivia for my present. That's all I want." He replied, "Well... I want a pony."

Andrew answered the phone at my grandparent's house and they asked for Clinton Park... His response, "We don't have him." Then he hands me the phone with a confused look on his face and says, "They want Frankin Park!"

While driving in the car Andrew asked, "Is this going to be a faraway land?"

Ben did something that made Andrew mad and this is what followed: "Dad, you hurt my feelings. I have 20 feelings and if you hurt them, they'll all be gone!"

Livy apologizing to Andrew, "Sorry I yellowed at you, Andrew."

I walked outside to see Andrew chasing Olivia around the tramp trying to lick her face. I was a little disturbed and asked him what in the world he was doing. He said, "I'm pretending to be a dog."

Andrew said in his prayer, "Bless that Jesus can teach the mean people to be nice... to the nice people. And bless that Jesus can come visit soon."

I told Andrew that if he wanted a DS, he'd have to buy it himself so he ran down to my aunt's house to ask her if he could bag ice for her. He bagged 15 bags all himself and I said wow, you just might earn the money for it afterall. He said, "I can bag ice, buy my DS, and you will be so proud of me!"

We saw some ducks in the road and Andrew says, "Hey those ducks are in the road! Their mom didn't teach them right."

Ben: Want me to wrap you up like a little baby?
Liv: Nooo!!
Ben: Want me to wrap you up like a big girl?
Liv: Can you wrap me up like a woman?
(He wraps her up)
Ben: Oh my sweet little baby!
Liv: No, say my sweet little woman!

We were reading a book and there was a baby in it. Olivia pointed to it and said, "Hey we have one of those!"

Olivia came and asked me if she could watch a movie. I said, "Yeah you can after you play with your toys for a little bit." She said okay and ran off to her room to play. I then hear her empty the contents of her toy box and run back to me. "Okay I played with my toys for a little bit."

Olivia and Andrew were playing prince and princess. She had her Belle dress on and he had his blanket wrapped around his waist. They were dancing and singing, "Let me be your wings, let me be your only one." (From the movie, Thumbelina) Then Livy would ask Andrew, "Will you marry me, Prince Charming?"

Andrew was playing with a yellow sports car when he told me, "First I am going to go to preschool, then be a doctor, then drive a car like this!"

We were all in the car together when Amelia started screaming about something. I was trying to calm her down and Andrew told me, "Just cover your ears like this mom! See, it works!"

Whenever Olivia gets in one of her moods and I ask her to do something, she sighs, "I'm so sick of tired."

Olivia broke the handle off my nightstand. She brought one of the pieces to me and said, "Now I've done it!"

Olivia told me, "I love you to the moon and stars and back," then she said, "Tell me you love me to the moon and stars and back mommy." I told her and she then rubbed my head and said, "Oh you're so precious."

My kids always shout out to Ben before he leaves the house... things such as, "Be careful!" "Wear your seatbelt!" etc. This particular day, Andrew told Ben, "Don't poop your pants!"

Ben was delivering a gift while me and the kids sat in the car. Andrew couldn't see him anymore and I told him that he left, not really thinking anything of it. A second later, I looked back to see a huge frown on Andrew's face. He started to cry and said, "But I very liked him!" So sad, yet so sweet.

Andrew was talking about being a man and I said, "What are you going to do when you're a man." He sat for a second and then said, "I don't know. Play the computer and go to school." Hahaha, I guess that's all men do around here! Just kidding Ben! :)

Andrew told a member of our bishopric that he was handsome.

At my last appointment, Olivia started chatting with the doctor. She held up her Elmo and said, "Elmo's my best friend."

After a doctor appointment, we were getting ready to eat lunch and Andrew prayed, "Thank you that we could hear the baby today. Thank you that Jesus can come soon."

Andrew picked up a wrapper on the ground and said, "Hey! What's this? It looks like a sword... or it looks like a gun!" Can anyone doubt he's a boy?

Andrew: "Mom, I have been a boy a long long time."
Me: "Yeah and you always will be."
Andrew: "No I need to be a man so I can go to the temple!" (09/10)

Andrew had watched Shrek a few days before this conversation... "Mom? Are we like onions?" I replied, "Uhh what?" "Do we have layers like onions?"

Conversation in the car between Andrew & Olivia-
Andrew: Hey Olivia, I just looked in a book and saw a man get baptized in the water!
Olivia: Wow Andrew, that's cool! That's so exciting!

Me and Andrew were watching a motorized scooter commercial for the elderly. He was like, "Hey mom, should we get you one of those?" I am not that old, thank you very much.

Andrew was eating a cookie and he said, "Mom I love my cookie. It's my best friend."

Olivia loves patty cake, and says "row it, pow it" and does the actions. She also loves ring around the rosies and says, "wosies wosies, ashes, ashes" and falls to the ground.

Olivia is so independent. Her favorite thing to say is, "I do it!" She also says, "love ew too" when we tell her I love you so I can look past the independence. :) 3/10

Olivia now says prayers with help. She says, "Father, gank you day, pease, amen."

The other night Andrew sat in bed saying, "Say please Livy" Followed by a little "pease" "Say momma Livy" "Momma" "Say good night Livy" "g'night" At this rate she should be speaking like a pro before too long.

I didn't stop at one of the said signs below when Andrew wanted me to so he yelled out, "That's fantasket!"

The term back seat driver has taken on a new meaning. Andrew now sits behind me and says, "Red signal, stop mom! Yellow signal, slow down! Okay go mom! There is a red sign mom. That was a red signal mom!" No I don't make it a habit to disobey signs, I was making a left turn. 3/10

Ben told Andrew that in order to get a treat he had to make me smile so Andrew came up to me and said, "Hi, mom. Be happy. Give me a big smile! Okay, can I have a treat?"

"What's wrong mom?" Andrew asked. "You got me sick." I said. "Oh I am so sorry mom I got you sick."

Andrew's teacher told me that while she was helping him he looked up at her and said, "I love you teacher."

Andrew bit his tongue and was bleeding so he said, "I'm bleeding! I need a band-aid on my mouth."

Andrew's hand was pretending to be a spider at the dinner table. It crawled up to Ben's hand and said, "Hey, is there a potty around here so I can go poop?" (1/10)

Ben was explaining to Andrew that he would get to go to preschool in a few days by counting on his hands, "Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and then Tuesday you get to go to preschool." Andrew looked at him funny and said, "No dad, it's 1, 2, 3 not Thursday!" He has been learning to count on his fingers and apparently fingers are only for numbers, not days!

Andrew can now count to 8 in Spanish.

Andrew asked today, "Dude, can I go outside?"

I caught Olivia feeding cereal to her Elmo doll.

Me and Liv went to pick up Andrew at a friend's house and when we got there Andrew told his friend, "That's my baby. That's my Wivia." (01/10)

Olivia will answer the phone by saying, "Hew-Wo?" "Hew-wo?"

When Olivia wants to go outside, she yells "Coat!" until we get her coat down and put it on her. Then she lies down on the ground and puts her foot up so we will put her shoes on.

Ben was pestering Andrew and Andrew called back, "Don't Daddy! I am going to spank your hiney bum!"

Andrew wanted to go in the same bathroom as Ben and Ben yelled back, "Occupied!" Andrew came running out crying and said, "Daddy said okey-pie!"

Andrew burned his tongue eating soup and said, "Daddy, make it feel better on my tongue. That hurts really hurts."

My mom said she wanted this cute guy on television for Christmas and I asked him, "Would you like that guy for your new grandpa?" Andrew replied, "No! I just need Lightning McQueen."

Olivia says sorry when she is mean. She rubs whatever it is she hit or bit and says, "Sor" over and over again.

Andrew didn't want to hold his stuffed animal in the car. I said, "Andrew, you should hold him because he loves you!" His reply, "Oh whatever." I busted up laughing and said, "What?" He was like, "He doesn't love me." (Dec. 09)

Olivia was screaming in the back room and I knew Andrew was being a stinker to her so I told him to come talk to me. He came in and the first thing out of his mouth was, "I didn't push her." I said, "Oh really? Tell the truth, Andrew." He replied, "Okay, I did." "You pushed her?" I said. "No I didn't"

Andrew LOVES to sing and knows all the words to.. "I am a child of God" "I hope they call me on a mission" "I love to see the temple" "Snowman" "Popcorn Popping" and many others.

Andrew is learning signs too and signs "more" "cereal" "apple" "please" "go" "boy" "cry" "sad" "laugh" He really likes it.

We were in JoAnn's and Andrew found a toy he wanted, I told him to go put it back and he said, "It's for my Christmas, honey!"

Olivia now says "app" (apple), "up", "annu" (andrew), "cucka", "poo poo" haha, "go", "no", "yes", "nana" (banana), "cracker" and signs "apple", "cheese", "cookie", "hungry"(sometimes) (Dec. 09)

I was having a "heated" conversation with Ben about not turning up the music when I am talking on the phone :) and Andrew piped in and said... "Momma, you mad at him? Tell him sorry." We both laughed and Andrew said again, "Tell him sorry." So I said sorry. Then he turns to Ben and says, "Tell her it's okay." Glad we have a mediator. (Nov. 09)

Olivia can now sign "pig" "milk" "frog" "horse" "cow" "dog" "cat" "duck" "please" "more" and "elmo" She says, "eat" "book" "momma" "daddy" "baba" (Nov. 09)

Andrew said the sweetest little prayer today with no help whatsoever... "Heavenly Father. Thank you for mommy and daddy. Bless Deah. Thank you my Jesus. Thank you blessings. Name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

Andrew ran in my room when he was supposed to be in bed and whined, "Livy's in bed. Livy not talking to me!" He was so sad that she went to bed and he couldn't stay up playing with her. Same night he came in another time and said, "Mommy, you're my best friend!" It worked, I let him sit on my lap for another five minutes.

Olivia really wanted to go outside with Andrew and Ben. She didn't have any pants on but she brought me her one church shoe. I put it on and she walked to the door and started reaching for the handle. (10/09)

Andrew was being a stinker so we locked him in his room to take a nap. He was pounding on the door and yelled, "Daddy! Open this door! 1, 2, 3... okay, going to time out daddy!" (10/09)

Andrew was outside playing with our neighbor boy and then out of the blue stood up and said, "Want to see mom. Want to talk to mom." He then came in and said, "hi" to me and walked back outside.

Today Andrew was trying to get me to stay in his room and talk to him instead of going to bed. He said, "Just talk to me." So I laid down and he said, "Tell me about Jesus." So I told him about Jesus being baptized. He said, "Tell me about President Monson." So I said Pres. Monson is a good man. He said, "I'm a good man too."

We were subbing in nursery with Andrew and he saw a girl with red tights on. He went over to her, touched her leg, and said, "I like your skin."

This morning I walked into Andrew's room and he was still sleeping (on the floor because he wont sleep in his bed as of late) I woke him up and the first thing he said to me was, "You stinker! You woke me up." Later that same day Olivia ripped a page in one of his books and he told her, "Wivy, no no. You're a naughty girl."

Andrew and I were talking and I said, "When did you get so big Andrew?" Ben said, "Yeah you aren't a baby anymore." I playfully frowned and said I missed the baby days. Then Andrew looked at me and told Ben, "Don't make her sad, Dad! Don't make her cry." Haha.

Today Andrew found chocolate chips in the closet and brought them to me. He said, "Look momma! Look what daddy got me, for my present. Makes me happy. Chocolate present!" Yeah right.

Olivia was crying the other day and Andrew yelled at me, "Feed her!" (08/09)

Andrew has been obsessed with Bambie lately so he now refers to me as "Mother" Yesterday he asked Ben, "Where is my mother?" And he kept jumping on me and saying, "Mother! Mother!" (08/09)

Andrew was crawling all over me and I told him, "I need some energy!" He stood up and said, "I want some ed er gee too momma!"

I put my pajamas on and Andrew says, "Momma, like your jammies on." I said, "You like my jammies?" He said, "Yeah, your cutie."

Andrew said his first prayer all by himself. "Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. Thank you for Thomas. Thank you Thomas movie. Thank you turn off Thomas movie. Thank you Percy. Name of Jesus Christ, amen."

I wouldn't give Andrew something so he says, "You make me crazy!" (06/09)

We drove past a cow farm and the smell was overwhelming. After a few seconds of holding my breath, I hear Andrew say, "Don't like this! Don't like cows!" I asked, "Can you smell those cows?" He said, "Yeah. Don't like that!"

Olivia now walks along the furniture, smacks her lips when she eats, claps if you clap, waves bye, and pouts by throwing herself on the ground dramatically and then looks up to make sure we are watching. Her favorite food is applesauce. (05/09)

I wouldn't give Andrew a bite of something I was making so he says, "One, two, four, five. Okay. Go to time out momma."

Andrew is doing better at counting, "five, six, seven, eight, nine, (always skips ten) eleven, eleventeen."

Andrew was being a stinker so I said, "Do you want a spankin'?" He says, "No! Not right now. Maybe later." Hahaha.

Andrew was helping Ben peel a sweet potato and I asked him if he was excited to see some friends that were coming over. He says, "No. I'm making a dinner pie. Be patient." (05/09)

Olivia climbs up to things now. She even stands up sometimes in her crib but she can't get down so she cries. She also says, "Dadadada" and bounces up and down when she gets up on her knees. She's so proud of herself. (03/09)

Lately Andrew has started rubbing my head at random and saying, "Hey buddy!" I soon realized that this is what Ben does to him. (03/09)

We were at the grocery store and there was an old man with grey hair putting food away. Andrew was in the cart and he
yelled out, "Don't hit grandpa!" Hahaha.

This morning Andrew came in and told me he wanted "cereal" I said no because he never eats it, he then suggested, "candy?" "sugar?"

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12/4/09

Beware of the Me Monster!

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