A Lantern In Her Hand

Get ready for my random soap box of the week... :) I'll probably be embarrassed I even posted this but I found my new favorite book and it's got me thinking... A LOT about being a mom. It's called A Lantern In Her Hand by Bess Streeter Aldrich. I apologize if I sound like a broken record to everyone who has heard me rave about it for the past several weeks but I just can't get it out of my head. It's not some crazy, exciting, or totally unique story either. It's just about a pioneer mom and the sacrifices she makes for her family. One of my favorite quotes in the book is when the main character Abbie, is responding to her daughter's comments about her being too "narrow" because she never traveled...

"You know, Gracie, it's queer, but I don't feel narrow. I feel broad. How can I explain it to you, so you would understand? I've seen everything... and I've hardly been away from this yard. I've seen cathedrals in the snow on the Lombardy poplars. I've seen the sun set behind the Alps over there when the clouds have been piled up on the edge of the prairie. I've seen the ocean billows in the rise and the fall of the prairie grass. I've seen history in the making... three ugly wars flare up and die down. I've sent a lover and two brothers to one, a son and son-in-law to another, and two grandsons to the other. I've seen the feeble beginnings of a raw state and the civilization that developed there, and I've been part of the beginning and part of the growth. I've married...and borne children and looked into the face of death. Is childbirth narrow, Grace? Or marriage? Or death? When you've experienced all those things, Grace, the spirit has traveled although the body has been confined. I think travel is a rare privilege and I'm glad you can have it. But not every one who stays at home is narrow and not every one who travels is broad. I think if you can understand humanity...can sympathize with every creature...can put yourself into the personality of every one...you're not narrow...you're broad."

If that quote doesn't give you goose-bumps, I don't know what will! The thing about the book is that this mother never did anything too spectacular for herself but she did everything for her family. How often do you hear moms lamenting that they need a hobby, they need a job, they need something in order to have an identity outside of their kids? I am not saying anything is wrong with those things, I think a lot of those things are actually good and help moms keep their sanity. I'm also not suggesting that good moms only sit at home with kids and never travel, learn, work, or take a break for things they enjoy or have to do. But I had to drop all my classes last week and I couldn't help but feel like some kind of failure for not doing more. I seriously bawled my eyes out over dropping them. (Yeah I'm emotional.) Why is it that women have to have it all? Maybe I already have it all... so why do I feel pressure to do more? I was talking with my cousin the other day and she said, "Remember when you didn't like kids? And said you didn't want kids?" I was horrified that I actually said those things... and then I thought about it and the truth is, I don't think I ever really did feel those things. I just wanted to be rebellious and do something more than "JUST" stay home. I wanted to get my degree and see the world and heck, I still want to do those things... SOMEDAY.  But I also always wanted to rock my own babies to sleep or bake cookies for them to eat after school and guess what... my kids are almost school age! So I'll just warn everyone now, I'll probably be the next Duggar woman (no I'm not pregnant) because I'm obsessed with my kids, parenting books, childbirth, play dates, and snack times. I'm really happy with my life as a stay at home mom, as "narrow" as it may seem at times.

"And the minister at home had said you could do anything with your life. But that was not so. Life did things to you."  

If you haven't read that book, I highly recommend it!!